Let’s be honest with each other. You’re a people-pleaser. So am I. And so is your neighbor, friend, and Oprah. Some of us just do it more than others. Everyone tends to please others. And it’s alright. Its’ as basic as the need for food and shelter is the need to be liked and accepted. I spent most of my twenties and early thirties being worried about what people thought of me. I worked myself into a depression trying to meet everyone’s needs and ignoring my own. What are the signs of people pleasing? How can you change your people pleasing ways? Certified and experienced life coaches can help you change.
Signs Of People Pleasing
People pleasers think of other people’s needs before their own. They worry about what other people want, think, or need, and spend a lot of time doing things for others. They rarely do things for themselves and feel guilty when they do. People pleasers hold back from saying what they really think or from asking for what they want if they think someone will be upset with them for it. Yet they often spend time with people who don’t consider their needs at all.
Constantly trying to please other people is draining, and many people pleasers feel anxious, worried, unhappy, and tired a lot of the time. They may not understand why no one does anything for them, when they do so much for others – but they often won’t ask for what they need. A people pleaser may believe that if they ask someone for help and that person agrees, that person would be giving out of obligation, not because they really wanted to. The thinking goes – if they really wanted to help, they would have offered without my asking. This line of thinking happens because people pleasers themselves feel obliged to help, and do not always do things because they want to.
It’s painful being a people pleaser. People pleasers are not only very sensitive to other people’s feelings, and often take things personally, but they also rarely focus on themselves. When they do take a moment for themselves, they feel selfish, indulgent, and guilty which is why they are often on the go, rushing to get things done. People pleasers’ focus is mostly on others and away from themselves. They often feel empty, or don’t know how they feel, what they think, or what they want for themselves. But it’s possible to change this pattern and to feel better about yourself.
“Lean too much on other people’s approval and it becomes a bed of thorns.” ~Hsieh Tehyi
How To Change Your People Pleasing Tendencies: A certified and experienced life coach can help.
Practice saying NO. This is a very important word! Say it as often as you can, just to hear the word come out of your mouth. Say it out loud when you are alone. Practice phrases with NO in them. Try it for simple things first, then build your way up to harder situations
.Stop saying YES. Try to pause or take a breath before responding to someone’s request. You may want to answer requests with “I need to think about it first, or I’ll get back to you” .Use any phrase that you feel comfortable with that gives you time before you automatically respond with YES.
Discover what gives you pleasure, for example, reading magazines, watching videos, going to a park, and listening to music, and then give yourself permission to do those things.
Ask someone to help you with something. I know this is a hard one, but you can do it!
Check in with how you feel and what you are thinking. It’s important to be aware of these things; they’re part of who you are. And then try saying what you feel and think more often. Try setting a reminder on your phone to do a “feelings” check in or download an app to track your feelings
Conclusion
People will like you for who you are and not simply for what you do. You deserve to take time to yourself, to say NO, and to take care of yourself without feeling guilty. It took me some time and practice to change my people pleasing ways – after all, I had been doing it for 20 years. If you think you might be a people pleaser, try some of the steps above and see what happens. If you get stuck a certified and experienced life coach can help. It’s within your reach to change!
Navigating Life’s Uncertainty: Practical Steps and Biblical Wisdom Are you living with uncertainty? Uncertainty touches every area of life—finances, health, relationships, faith, and future goals.
